Category: Uncategorized

i have a large group of boxes and crap strewn about my floor.  i need to get the majority of this packed for school, and the rest of it i need to get it packed to stay here.  today i went upstairs to start working on it again.  then i realized i needed to wire my newer smaller speakers so i can listen to my vinyl through them, instead of through the 30 year old ones that are part of the system.  this, naturally, is more important than packing for school, so i did rewire it, and i was listening to alan hull in a new light: when it got to the low bass parts it didn’t sound like the subwoofer was going to explode.  it was quite an experience.  his “drug song” is excellent.  i’d have bought the record just for that song.

i want to see “they saved hitler’s brain.”  it’s a b movie from the 60s.  they didn’t just save hitler’s brain, but his whole head, and it looks like the neck too, from the picture.  apparently, he doesn’t ever speak…he just acts as a sinister looking paperweight.  the dvd is only 10 bucks on amazon. what do nazis do on a saturday night? 

you know how you get drunk and then go to sleep, and then something happens like someone comes and fills your mouth with shaving cream, and this wakes you up but you can’t stop them, so you just fall back to sleep, and then in the morning you wake up expecting to find your mouth filled with shaving cream, but instead someone has cleaned it out for you completely, brushed your teeth, and rinsed your mouth with scope?

yeah, that’s kind of what just happened to me…minus the liquor, shaving cream, and waking up. 

yesterday i got this message from the people who host my website: [(it’s not showing up…so for added fun, click and drag over the whole white box below to highlight it…then you can read it.  enjoy!)]

great.  if you’ve been following this long winded story, you’ll remember that i had about 90 mb to upload.  i started on it last night, but gave up when my connected kept disconnecting and refused to stay connected.

so i just got home from being out, and i start to upload the rest of the stuff.  i open the upload-to folder, and it’s completely full…all of my files are in there.  i go to my site, and guess what?  it’s back up, beaming in all its squalid glory. i seriously disconnected and reconnected and reloaded it just to make sure.  so…yeah, it’s back up.  i love it when my hosting company screws with me.  i get all freaked out, then they say “gotcha!” and i shake my head and smile. “well, you got me again, you slimy bastards.” and i shake my finger at them. but, fyi, if you wanted to check out a story you haven’t read yet, go quick…i think it’s prank week at the fraternity my host belongs to!  woohoo!! he’s probably raking in the cash and getting wasted every night!! woohoo!!

i have to go now.  my mouth tastes strangely like shaving cream

as we speak i am uploading the art folder for my site.  yes, i am going in alphabetical order, yes art is the first folder to upload.  it may take a couple of days to do this.  i have to keep an eye on it because my internet disconnects at random times, so i can’t just set it to upload it all and then go watch the jetsons.  i have to sit there, making sure i have a limited number of screwups. (as a note, the art folder is one of the smallest folders.  just wait til i get to the “shorts” folder. sigh.)

but forget that for a while.  joanna newsom is awesome.  i read an article about her by dave eggers a while back, i think it was in spin.  he couldn’t really describe her very well, and now i see why.  she has a voice like a southern child, and she plays a harp…a HARP.  but it’s not new age or sparkley music or anything…it often just sounds like a guitar.  if you have the means, get this cd. 

i picked it up at waterloo records, along with kevin devine’s new cd make the clocks move, and jolie holland’s cd escondida.  more on those later–i haven’t listened to them much, i’ve been listening and listening to newsom.  i don’t think i’ve heard anything like it…sometimes it’s like an early black and white cartoon character.

hey, now i’m on the fillers folder for the site.  maybe i’ll get this done before the month is up!

some of you may have noticed my website doing strange things, such as not working at all, or showing strange files.  (to use iwanttoleavemybody’s quote, because it sums it up perfectly, my site has been acting loco) let me explain.

my website host is ixwebhosting.  they claim they have a 99% up time, or that my site is online that much during a year.  so that’s about 3.6 days it can be down.  they are very very quickly reaching that limit, and it’s only july.

right now there are two links on the site.  neither of them take you anywhere, but i cannot upload anything or delete anything or do anything.  so, for now, you are stuck having to entertain yourself with these meaningless links.  it’s not as hard as you’d think.  go buy a blotter of acid from the 12 year old down the street and you can have yourself an incredible time.

how long am i expecting the site to be loco?  well, it was down for a full day (and i felt it–i felt the drug slowly draining itself from my veins.  then the shakes, then the sweats, then the hallucinations.  my brother the car–i didn’t even know i had a brother–running me over and backing over my skull).  now that’s it’s up somewhat they’ve fixed something…so i’m hoping that i’ll have it back up by the end of the day.

this does depend on whether i have to upload everything back onto the site–about 90 mb, on a 56k modem. so…we’ll see.  i’ll post a notice on here when i’ve gotten it all up and running.

(if i seem calm here it is only an illusion–and, just fyi, i can’t update the site from jail.)

have you heard this cd?  rid of me by pj harvey? you should.  it’s psychotically amazing.

big day.  exciting day.  something for everyone here.

i’ve got lots of new stuff up.  a new story, the second and final xanga journal from my trip to new mexico, and some eye candy for those who are completely or mildly illiterate: 3 new overgrowth pictures (i told some of you i’d have more…i don’t lie)

first, the story.  i wrote it two nights ago on paper and typed it up last night.  it’s called 500 bakeries and it’s nice.  i’d finished off a bottle of wine and the first line, “500 bakeries lined the street north of my house.”  later i changed lined to line.  lined really killed the whole thing, don’t you think?  laura said it was disgusting, but funny.  50 points if you can guess what i’m getting at in the story. 

screw that, no points.  take the story however you want to take it.

next, the overgrowth pictures. overgrowth (two), overgrowth (three), and overgrowth (four).  if you’re only going to look at one, look at four.  i drive by it on the way into town.  it’s my favorite plant i’ve ever seen.  it seems to stand in defiance saying “bow before me and lick my roots” to all the lower, lesser plants.  i’m going to add a picture of it in the winter when i get it. 

then one new piece of news.  i very well may be published in an independent magazine.  why independent you ask?  i’d not have it any other way…unless of course i was asked to.  i’m not sure about the title, etc. of it, just that it’s new and, though i wasn’t told this, i’m assuming it must be kickass, yes?  frank the fish is the editor of it, and he found me and sent me a note.  anyway, it’s $2.50 an issue, with 32 pages. i’ll let you know more info when i get it.

okay, that’s all for now.  here’s the journal i wrote

july 13, 2004, tuesday

yesterday we went to alamorgodo as a stopover on our way to white sands.  white sands is this national monument where they blew up the first nuclear bomb.  there’s also an air force base there and there’s a spot for tourists where you can go play on the dunes.  it’s a desert, and it’s  white sand, made from gypsum.  i wanted to get bitten by something like a sand snake, some albino freak on the underbelly of nature.  no such luck.

so, alamagordo.  i wanted to go to a record store there.  i looked up in our phone book “music.”  the only music stores in the area were in alamagordo.  they had a hastings, and then they had days gone bye, and the ad said “rare, hard to find vinyl, cds, tapes, and more!”  while looking for days gone bye i got to see a lot of alamagordo, a somewhat small city.  i don’t know the population because they don’t seem to believe in giving out that information in new mexico on the city limit signs.  i’d say it’s about a fifth the size of austin.  actually, no, i have no clue.  anyway, driving along the interstate, i created the following, possibly a local legend of how the city was formed:

there were lots of pawn shops and miserable people living in the desert.  god saw this, and saw their boredom and hatred of life, so he took all the small towns they were living in, people and all, and flushed them down the toilet.  however, one of the towns was clogging the toilet, preventing the rest from flushing.  god grabbed this town and flung it into the desert, enraged by their insolence.  the town was alamgordo.

and that is the legend of alamagordo.

we finally found days gone bye.  the sign was light yellow painted on a white background, and it didn’t have “records” or “music” anywhere, just “days gone bye” and the phone number and zip code.  it seemed to be part of an “antiques” store (their nice way of saying crap, kind of like a pawn shop as far as the merchandise goes.  i actually do like looking around in these places so that got me more excited.)  stepping inside it felt like they had the heater on. it immediately crawled up my back and slapped me in the face, grabbed hold of my crotch and melted my feet.  a guy who worked there came up to us.  “just let me know if i can help you with anything,” he said.  “is days gone bye in here?” i asked.  “yep, that’s me.”  we stood there for a while.  has he rigged his dentures to somehow store and play music?  “um,” i said.  “where are the records?” he pointed behind him.  “right over there,” he said, then walked off. 

there were a few sad used cds, backstreet boys, cheap trick, others that i had never heard of, nor ever wanted to.  there was more vinyl than cds, but they mostly consisted of christmas records, lots of huey lewis and the news, and strange 70s glam rock.  they were a dollar a piece, so i got three, guy lombardo, kris kristofferson, and bruce hornsby.  (not becuase i was dying to get them…but because they were a dollar apiece)

by the time i picked these out my face was flushed from the heat and i was sweating in several places on my body.  i paid for the records and walked out, looking at the stuff in his display counters.  it was some pretty cool stuff, but i couldn’t stand the heat so i had to leave.  it was upwards of 90 degrees outside.  it was hotter in the store.

we next went to hastings.  i almost always go to an independent store to buy music, or at least save my money til i do, but with no record stores in sight i had to settle with hastings.  i got pj harvey’s rid of me cd (if you’ve never heard of her you must get something by her.  steal it, borrow it, whatever.  get it.  screw sleater-kinney.), franz kafka’s the trial for the 10 hour trip home, and the new believer, a music issue this time, with a sampler cd including the likes of death cab for cutie, iron & wine, the walkmen, and more (if you’re a fan of any of these don’t get too excited–they are just songs from their newest released albums).  then they had an article on elliott smith, colin meloy of the decemberists, david byrne (talking heads), joanna newsom, ulysses (the book, not the band), and, of course, a lot more.

i just posted a new story that i wrote while on vacation, a trip to walmart.  the part about walmart is mostly true, except the ending.  the real ending was too boring. 

i also changed a few things on the home site, www.noconversation.com.  instead of being titled “parlor” it is now titled “no conversation”

this change deeply saddens me.  it’s been parlor since the beginning, since the nasty conception 4 or 5 or 6 years ago.  i think it’s about 5 now.  having the address parlor42.com initially, a poor site name (“what’s your site? parlor…234 or 312 or something?”  what is it about 42 that is so fricking hard to remember??) as far as describing the soul of the site.  then noconversation.com, a name brought by pressure and necessity.  i’ve come to find it much more meaningful and useful than parlor.  but i hate saying that…it’s like backstabbing a good friend. but, it had to be done.

there’s also a new picture up on the main page.  it’s the first picture of me i’ve ever put on it.  the blacked out eyes are for effect…and for protection when walmart reads the story i wrote about their fine store…..and also barnes and noble…hopefully more.  but lucky for me, the demigods of these stores don’t read.

as i said, i was in ruidoso, new mexico, for a week.  the following is a bit i wrote while i was there.  i’ll post another the next day.  and then that will be all.  i suggest reading it in clumps, not at one time, lest pain arise in the back of your head.

july 10, 2004

i was just in the bathroom at the cabin peeing and listening to agent orange.  i was looking out the window thinking about how nobody has probably ever been in this spot listening to this band.  i think all my cousins and family listen to pop stuff, the bad pop.  i’m not going to list them, just turn on mtv. 

i went into this coffee shop owned by a family, i think they might be a mexican family but i’m not sure, i know they were talking in another language but i couldn’t hear them very well.  they have warning signs literally all over the shop.  “no outside drinks,” “do NOT sit on fireplace,” “keep your children quiet,” “do NOT read books before buying them.”  maybe they were jewish.  the coffee was good, but the chairs were hard and wooden and cold and hateful. 

jawbox is playing now, one of laura’s cds.  but i’m more in the mood for…something else, so i put on dead kennedys, live at the deaf club.  i bought it at waterloo and the girl who checked me out said, “just fyi, some people had been bringing their copy back saying the sound was horrible and they exchanged it for another cd.”  (as a side note, i think this is one of the most important policies a record store can have: a return policy, within a certain number of days, which you can return your record if you don’t like it. sure you can just go home and copy it, which is why you don’t let someone do it ten times or something.)  laura and i listened to the cd in my car on the way home.  it sounded fine.  it wasn’t studio recording good–why would it be? it’s punk, it’s live–but it was better than good bootlegs.  maybe people just like bitching too much, or maybe we’re spoiled by overly produced music.  i was playing this cd once with juan in the car and he said “what’s this ska shit?”  he’s my best friend, but honestly he wouldn’t know ska from…anything. i thought about going into the history of punk rock, how the dead kennedys were one of the driving forces behind it.  i didn’t because, well, it’s juan. (shiv shiv)

i’ve been trying to find more bookstores and/or music stores around here.  no luck.  there’s a place called “rare books” in town.  they aren’t really rare books. i’ve been in before, the last two times i came here. the place smells like boiled cabbage, or public toilets right next to a pot of boiling cabbage.  a 60 year old guy lives and works there, and runs it by himself.  it doubles as his house.  instead of actual rare books, it’s books he’s collected over his life, about three room fulls.  laura couldn’t stand the smell last time so she left.  i felt kind of sorry for the guy, standing there in his nasty undershirt with pitstains, and man boob stains, and stain i’d never seen on a person before, and dirty khaki shorts eating his microwave dinner, so i got a few books that he recommended.  the books aren’t organized in any order, nor are they in superb shape, but he knows exactly what he has and where it is.  i’m not going in there this year for two main reasons:  the smell (it’s really repugnant, and you never get used to it no matter how long you’ve been in there) and the fact that, well, he’s not the best recommender of books.  i said i wanted some horror, maybe king or lovecraft, not really because i’m a huge huge horror fan, but because he put me on the spot. he didn’t have anything that i’d heard of though, so he offered one that “would knock my socks off.” i read it.  it was about homosexual male prostitution in new york city.  did he wink at me when he sold it to me?

i did find a music store in the yellow pages, it sounded pretty cool.  i went, and where it was supposed to be was a vacant building.  a note on the door said “days gone bye has moved to P.O. Box 1241 in Alto.” and then included a phone number.  i think it would be fun to go to the post office in alto and sit in front of box 1241 waiting for them to come.  and when they come ask if they will buy some cds off of me. and if they say no i can stand in front of their box and try to bite them if they try to open it. 

back to the jewish/mexican/nazi coffee shop, i asked the kid working the register if he knew of a place in town with wireless internet.  he gave me a really weird look and said no, try the library.  i don’t think he knew what i was talking about. 

then i went into radio shack.  i needed a converter (from rca to coaxial) for an xbox (not mine, i swiped it before i came up here from laura’s brother…hah) because the tv didn’t have rca ports.  a 50 year old guy asked to help me and i asked if there was such thing as an rca to coax converter.  now, before i describe the following events i must tell you, i have never, not once, gone into a radioshack and had the workers treat me like i had anything more than a second grade education (so that i could add a few small numbers).  i don’t ask stupid things or say stupid things because i generally know what i’m talking about, but it makes no difference.  this trip is no different.  he says, “uh, YEAH there’s such a thing.”  then he sighed like i was taking up important time (i was the only customer in there) and he said “you see that panel over there?”  there were four panels so i asked which one.  he sighed again.  “the one with the CONVERTERS on it,” he said, sticking his thick finger in the general direction.  “it’s on that.”  i go over and look at all the stuff on the panel.  nothing even remotely close to what i need.  it’s taken me a while to pour over all this crap, and since i’m the only customer i figure he’ll see that i’m not finding it.  he doesn’t, so i turn around and stare at him from across the room.  finally he acknowledges me.  “find it?”  no, i answer.  he comes over huffing (this actually might be hard for him…he’s a pretty big guy, and it seems there’s a very large stick or pole stuck somewhere in his body) and looks at all the stuff i’ve been looking at.  “what do you need?” he asks after looking at all the stuff.  “rca to coax.”  he goes over to some drawers and looks through them, then slams the last one shut.  “why do you need rca to coax?”  he asks me, as though i have no idea what i’m talking about (in my opinion, if a person knows enough to know the terms rca and coax he probably knows what he’s looking for).  “i have a tv with just a coax port, and an xbox with just rca ports.”  he sighs again. “OH, well…” he says it like i’m a dumb kid and the potential sale is now severely less important.  “you need this.”  he hands me a box which is exactly what i need.  “but,” he says, “it’s thirty dollars.”  he looks me up and down and puts the box back on the shelf.  now, i have thirty dollars in my pocket, and had he been anything remotely close to a good salesman he could have easily talked me into it.  but, even though i’d like to show him up by pulling out my money and paying for it, i am thinking logically, and it’s stupid to pay 30 dollars so i can use an xbox for four days.  maybe when i’m 50 and still hate everyone because i was never cool i can work at radio shack too.  crap.  i never was cool.  i’m almost halfway there. 

have i the right to touch you?  have i the right to feel you?

i’m also reading this, a compilation of the first twenty years of cometbus, one of the best and best known zines around.  if you ever see it, buy it.

i’m in ruidoso, new mexico right now.  got here about two days ago.  on the way up i read 40 Watts from Nowhere.  i really liked it…it’s not for everyone (the writing isn’t that impressive but the story is interesting).  it’s about a pirate radio operator, a girl who rides a motorcylce and whose boyfriend does heroin in her bedroom while she spins records on an illegal underground radio station.  i’m not sure but i think this is categorized under “badass”

there’s no music store here.  no, actually there kind of is…it’s labeled “comics and toyz” and i went into it.  the owner was at the counter playing magic the gathering and he had a few stacks of comic books and a few action figures, then about three towers of really, really bad music for 2.99.  i often like to go through these types of cds and just find some random band and buy it.  but this place was different, it was creepy.  it was like the guy just got a bunch of crap lying around his house and put a price tag on it.  it probably won’t be here in half a year.

there’s a bookstore here that’s awesome, called books et cetera.  among their small fiction collection included the likes of kafka, palahniuk (who isn’t a very good writer, as i’ve stated before, but still, you wouldn’t expect a small town small bookstore to stock it), henry miller, samuel beckett (i got his complete short plays), kerouac, joyce, naked lunch (holy crap), etc etc etc.  i told the guy i bought beckett from that whoever was stocking their fiction was doing a great job.  i think i scared him, he kind of looked at me funny and forced a thank you out. then told me about seeing waiting for godot on pbs a few weeks ago.  the other worker said it was january.  one guy was wearing a jack skelington shirt.

i just wrote dogshit. i don’t think i’ve ever written something with a cuss word in the title.  goodness, i’m a smut writer. 

we got back from the beach and i’m missing salt water.  i want to bathe myself in the stuff.  drink it.  add more salt to it and eat it. with a fork.

i pulled Triumph of the Egg off my shelf and read some of it today.  it’s short stories and other strange things by Sherwood Anderson.  i got it a year ago in new mexico.  it was in this “antique” place, really it was just a bunch of old crap on old tables, and there were several old hardback books on a shelf.  laura found this one and thought i’d enjoy the title. i did, and i enjoyed the book too.  apparently the edition i have is mildly sought after by sad looking people like myself.